CLICK HERE to check out my storybook! |
| Via Wikimedia Commons |
3/24/2020 - The introduction page is now finalized and the first story has been completed!
4/6/2020 - Story two is up! I also finally fixed my comment wall link issue.
4/21/2020 - I didn't realize I hadn't updated this in a while. My storybook is basically complete! All but one of the buttons works now and I'm actively working on the solution for the straggler. I hope you have fun with it!
5/1/2020 - My final edits have been submitted! The last button is a little clunky visually, but I had an ah-ha moment just a little bit ago on how I could update it. Unfortunately, the function I'm trying to achieve requires some coding skills, so I don't have time to do it before the class ends. It might end up being my summer "for fun" project though!
Hey Jessica,
ReplyDeleteI really liked your premise! It is very interesting and it definitely makes me want to read more! Concept-wise, I don't really have any advice to improve it since I think it is already great as is. The only advice I have is mostly grammar related. For example, after ellipses, if it's the same thought, you don't capitalize that first word. All of the ellipses that you used in the introduction was to indicate a pause, so the first word after that doesn't need to be capitalized. I saw that you did that a lot in your introduction. "It's so had to earn your karma as a human, so many temptations.." I assume that "had" is suppose to be "hard". This is another formatting thing, but in your first story, there are some spots that is missing a space, particularly when you switch from when the horse is thinking to the narrative. Anyways that's all the advice I have! Hope it was helpful and good luck with the project!
Hiya Jessica!
ReplyDeleteI gotta say I didn't expect to be born as a horse today, but I did and I thought you did it very well! With all the horse sacrifices in the stories we've read, it was nice to have a little more focus on the animals. I think the creative freedoms you took do a great job of connecting the readers to the animal so we don't just see it as a horse to be sacrificed. The only concern I have going forward is how you'll keep up this friendly tone when it comes time for the horse's head to be chopped. One quick note on your intro, there's a type in the sentence "It's so HAD to earn your karma as a human." Will we be following the horse in all future stories, or will we be getting to see our life through a few different animals throughout? Either way, I'm excited to keep reading!
I just realized the sentence typo was mentioned in another comment, please disregard
DeleteFirst of all, I loved your introduction! I was confused but then I understood where the story was going, this is a really interesting concept and I was ready to read more just by your introduction! I love animals and I think it is great that you incorporated the belief of reincarnation to your story. I think it was really nice and informative that you wrote how the horse was feeling and what was going through his head. It was very interesting reading the way the horse interpreted every situation and not really one hundred percent knowing what was going on. You used imagery and descriptive words very well as I could feel what the horse felt and picture the images as I read the story, I think this is a very unique concept and I can't wait to read more of your story even though I am not looking forward to reading about the sacrifice portion. One thing I'll add is I noticed that the link for your comment wall doesn't directly direct one to the comment wall page you can try to go back a do a quick fix.
ReplyDeleteHi Jessica!!
ReplyDeleteSince I can't see you in person anymore because of the coronavirus, at least I can communicate with you here. I love your introduction. At first, I was just so confused about what you are talking about. The more I read, the more I became interested. I don't know how other people would fare reading your introduction just because there's some words I didn't know or understand. I have learned about this whole karma thing before because I am Buddhist, so I have that background. Just a suggestion! Also, just now read the horse part of your story! I love it! I had no idea your inspiration was from King Yudhisthira's stories. Poor horsey. However, I love your articulation of the horse's thoughts. I thought they really aligned with what a horse would think! Perhaps some more spacing out of your paragraphs to make it easier to read?
Can't to read more!!
ReplyDeleteYour website is very pretty. It also really easy to use. The layout is also very clean. The use of a button is brilliant!! Everyone likes to press buttons! It really kicks things off and gets us the readers ready to go on a journey! Also, I love your color scheme.
I love how you wrote your intro! It is so freaking fun to read! It is so creative. Putting it in second person is so smart because it really captures the audience!! Great job!! I love that our memories weren’t modified and it is cool being stuck in the middle of the chaos! It feels similar to the show the good place. Have you seen that tv show? I also really appreciate your realistic dialogue. I have read other peoples’ stories and it is like they forget how people talk. I especially like the line “Oh well! That's not my job!”.
The Horse story is so great! I love the birth. It makes you wonder what you were thinking then! I also love the horse learned from the little girl they admire. This is such a great idea! I look forward to reading more of your stories!!
Hi Jessica! The first thing that drew me into your project was your banner image! I think that's a great picture of animals to choose. Your introduction took a different turn than I expected. The image you picked was great though, I thought it was funny and fit perfectly for the story! It really is a great introduction though. It explains the process of reincarnation and what happens after we die and why karma is so important. At the end of the introduction, we start to see where animals are going to come into play. I like how you are completely thrown into being born into a baby horse to start your Horse story! I know I wouldn't know any better but it seemed so...realistic haha. Maybe you could add some interactions with other horses? I would be curious to see dialogue from members of a different species. I liked that we were able to see humans from a horse perspective though! I wonder where your reincarnation will go next?
ReplyDeleteHi Jessica!
ReplyDeleteRight away I loved your storybook with the introduction. “Reincarnation is a thing!” made me laugh so hard!!! Its funny, it grabbed my attention right away, and it’s an interesting idea. Your first story on the horse is great and I really liked the artistic license you took to get there; it was interesting to see the mashup of the stories to focus on the one character. I like that you are choosing to focus on animals (they are great after all) and this was an interesting story already. There are small things with the site like the interconnections but as you pointed out, you’re still working on everything. I think that is where most of us are in all of this, still sorting out where everything is going to go and how to set it up. I would suggest looking at the comment wall setup because when I clicked on it, it took me to your blog, not the comment wall. I appreciate you making notes though for what you know needs to be worked on and what to look at, so I didn’t get confused. - Jillienne
Hello!
ReplyDeleteStarting to the story with the birth was an interesting method! I also enjoy the fact that your story is in second person – it makes me feel like I’m the baby elephant. I thought your story was a great read. I think to make your story even better, you could possibly include sticky situations that the baby had to go through. Your story seems very optimistic and I think adding a sense of danger would add a more realistic sense to it overall. Watching several documentaries about elephants, one particular scenario that animal shows include is when the young elephant has to cross a river teeming with crocodiles. A situation like this would help build the admiration that the audience feels towards the elephant because at times, the baby doesn’t survive. Elephants are matriarchal meaning that their herds are composed of females with the leader being the eldest. Since the young elephant is small, the older females make sure to surround the baby to protect it. Including a situation where the young elephant may not survive could possibly cause the audience to root for him even more. One part of your story that I was confused about was when the two people were arguing. I read it over and over but I’m still confused. Is one of the children arguing with the man? Why are they arguing? Maybe explaining this portion better would alleviate the confusion. Anyways, that was my take on it. I absolutely love animals so I’m glad you decided to write about elephants!
Hello Jessica,
ReplyDeleteI really liked that your storybook was a "do it yourself, choose your own story" kind of deal. I also thought your introduction was really well done. The explanations you gave fit into the storyline of your storybook well, and it made your topic of reincarnation seem much more tangible. I imagine it would be difficult to include detailed stories from each stage of the animal's life, like you mentioned in your author's note for the horse story. Despite not being able to give an extensive biography of the animals, you still drew parallels to the stories of animals from Indian culture, which made each animal's story feel more like it was telling the story of its entire life. It's hard to write from the perspective of an animal without causing any confusion, since animals are imperfect narrators and don't understand things as well as we do, but I thought you did well despite this roadblock! Overall good job.
Hello Jessica
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your elephant story because I have read those stories so far. It made me smile when I was able to recognize multiple stories that you were able to combine into one without having to read your authors note. I smiled because in all honesty I usually have to read the authors note to recognize what story I am actually reading. Another aspect I like about your page/stories is your theme of animals. I'm also doing an animal theme where I change the characters from stories into different animals. The one story I wasn't able to get or I must of not read it yet is the one where I guess robbers come and the elephant screams. But I do like the transition between stories because they are really smooth for example in the original story the baby elephant just ends up with the king. Instead you have the king drop the elephant back off at a different village to continue the story. Last but not least I liked the first person.
Hi Jessica,
ReplyDeleteYour elephant story was so interesting. I haven't read any of the stories it was based on so it was nice to have a fresh and unknowing perspective when I was reading it. I really liked how you started from the very beginning with the elephant taking his first steps. It let the reader kinda get attached to the elephant from the beginning. I also really liked how you followed the same elephant from start to finish of it's life and described all the different life phases and emotions with each one of them. Sometimes when I was reading I was so sad with your descriptions because the elephant seemed unhappy, but you did a really good job balancing the emotions in your story between happy, sad, and mysterious at times. I can't help but wonder how the story would've been different if the elephant didn't move so much like to different people!
Hi Jessica,
ReplyDeleteI am back to read more more of your portfolio. I see Elephant has been added! Last time that I was here I only saw Horse. I noticed your layout has changed a lot, but I like it. It is more sleek and I like the blue and white colors. The spacing of your story is really nice and it keeps the readers definitely interested and not lost in the words. The italics of the dialogue really emphasizes the dialogue even though there is very little of it in the story. The ending is beautiful and really shows the miracle of life and just compassion in general. The fact that you combined all three stories into this very short story is amazing! The only suggestion would to maybe add some humor but other than that, this was a wonderful read. What would have happened if the robbers had gotten into a fight with the elephant?
Hope you are doing well!
Hi Jessica!
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh your project is fantastic! I loved the introduction and how all the stories are written. Each story is unique in not only plot, but style. I loved the story called Horse. It was captivating and intriguing. I am glad the horse got to keep its head haha! I also loved Elephant. I wonder if the elephant ever wanted to go home. Do you think the elephant would come back to the old lady if he had the chance to return home? Your stories seem almost movie like. They are not typical, but that is what makes them captivating. I found the author's notes very helpful as well. In the author's note you do a great job at explaining the original story, and the process to create your story. I enjoyed the layout. I think it looks very sleek overall. I hope you can figure out what to do with that next page button haha. Overall, well done! Awesome project!
Hey Jessica!
ReplyDeleteThis week I'm focusing on author's notes, but there's a few things I want to mention first. Firstly, I love the overall idea of your story and how it works together. Your main page with the secretary really adds to your stories and connects the three. Each story stands on their own and is nothing like that the one that proceeds it, and the overarching theme links them together. It's so unique, and it's also very well written! My favorite one is Fish. Your author's note is so informative and helpful for readers who may not be aware of things mentioned throughout the story or reasoning behind it. The overall design of your storybook works really well, too. It's very cohesive and has flow. Looking specifically at your author's notes, you can really tell the time you invested in researching each of the animals and topics mentioned in your storybook. You also connect the original stories to yours very well, too. I really loved your project!
Hey Jessica,
ReplyDeleteThis is the first time I've visited your project and I am really impressed. I loved the introduction that sets you up for the journey on your reincarnations. I thought overall your project has one of the most cohesive and fun themes I've seen yet!
I focused on your author's note for feedback, and overall thought they were well done. One thing that I have missed in my own notes was a good summary of the story I was riffing off of, and you have made sure to get that in yours. You also did a great job of explaining the differences in direction you took and other tidbits and have given me ideas to expand my own notes. Overall, they do a good job of connecting both stories, showing your creative side, as well as giving the reader more context into each of the stories.
I appreciate your hard work and creativity, your storybook was a pleasure to read!
Hi Jessica! I wanna start by saying I love the front page of your website! Using a picture as your full front page is something I haven’t seen in a lot of other projects, so kudos to you for that! Also, your creativity is impeccable. You keep your reader hooked and engaged through the entire story! Speaking about your paragraphs, I liked how you have them divided, specifically on the Horse story. I think adding the lines to divide between the paragraphs is a good way for the reader to follow with their eyes. In the Fish story, I liked that the dialogue was divided into two big spaces between the text. Maybe instead of two spaces, just use one. I think that would help the reader follow along better. I am so sad that I didn’t get to you to read your storybook until this last week! You’ve done a wonderful job and I will be visiting your website again, just for fun!!
ReplyDeleteHi Jessica!
ReplyDeleteWow! This is such a creative idea! I will definitely be coming back to this storybook to see where you design that human button to lead to. Perhaps, you could be ironic and link it to some government website or something funny like that. Starting from the introduction, you not only hooked your readers. You were also able to implement them into the story and create it a very interactive one. It was such a fun and creative way to put the topic of reincarnation into your stories. I loved how you told reincarnation in a hierarchical type of way-- humans at the very top. I chose the horse route, and I loved how you started this story from the perspective as birth into this world. For horses, I always imagined it as scary-- eyes shut for the first couple of weeks and those long wobbly legs, barely enough support for one's weight. Great work, and I can't wait to see what you do!
Hello!
ReplyDeleteI read your Fish story and was super excited to read it. I love seas creatures so getting to this story was great! I love the little jokes that you include in the story such as the age one. I thought it was really clever when the sibling said “by a few minutes” showing how fast they have to hatch. Great idea! The change in diction was also really well done. Everything just stops and I can imagine the terror in the fish’s eye by the way you described it. Very well done. It also shows the fish’s instincts when sensing danger. When I read the part where his siblings got caught in a net, I was thinking of course they would get caught and not even realize it! I really thought that when the eldest went to save them I thought he was going to get captured instead of the other two. But in the end, I’m glad none of them got caught or killed! My only concern with your story was the ending. It seemed very abrupt. I might have missed it some where but I have no idea what you mean by disease and you don’t talk about it in your author’s note. Including a transition from the second the to last paragraph and the last paragraph would help o clear up some confusion. Other than that, great job!