Friday, February 7, 2020

Comment Wall

CLICK HERE to check out my storybook!

Via Wikimedia Commons
2/7/2020 - I've just put up my storybook site! It's still a work in progress, hence the current status of the homepage. Go have a look!
3/24/2020 - The introduction page is now finalized and the first story has been completed!
4/6/2020 - Story two is up! I also finally fixed my comment wall link issue.

8 comments:

  1. Hey Jessica,

    I really liked your premise! It is very interesting and it definitely makes me want to read more! Concept-wise, I don't really have any advice to improve it since I think it is already great as is. The only advice I have is mostly grammar related. For example, after ellipses, if it's the same thought, you don't capitalize that first word. All of the ellipses that you used in the introduction was to indicate a pause, so the first word after that doesn't need to be capitalized. I saw that you did that a lot in your introduction. "It's so had to earn your karma as a human, so many temptations.." I assume that "had" is suppose to be "hard". This is another formatting thing, but in your first story, there are some spots that is missing a space, particularly when you switch from when the horse is thinking to the narrative. Anyways that's all the advice I have! Hope it was helpful and good luck with the project!

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  2. Hiya Jessica!
    I gotta say I didn't expect to be born as a horse today, but I did and I thought you did it very well! With all the horse sacrifices in the stories we've read, it was nice to have a little more focus on the animals. I think the creative freedoms you took do a great job of connecting the readers to the animal so we don't just see it as a horse to be sacrificed. The only concern I have going forward is how you'll keep up this friendly tone when it comes time for the horse's head to be chopped. One quick note on your intro, there's a type in the sentence "It's so HAD to earn your karma as a human." Will we be following the horse in all future stories, or will we be getting to see our life through a few different animals throughout? Either way, I'm excited to keep reading!

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    1. I just realized the sentence typo was mentioned in another comment, please disregard

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  3. First of all, I loved your introduction! I was confused but then I understood where the story was going, this is a really interesting concept and I was ready to read more just by your introduction! I love animals and I think it is great that you incorporated the belief of reincarnation to your story. I think it was really nice and informative that you wrote how the horse was feeling and what was going through his head. It was very interesting reading the way the horse interpreted every situation and not really one hundred percent knowing what was going on. You used imagery and descriptive words very well as I could feel what the horse felt and picture the images as I read the story, I think this is a very unique concept and I can't wait to read more of your story even though I am not looking forward to reading about the sacrifice portion. One thing I'll add is I noticed that the link for your comment wall doesn't directly direct one to the comment wall page you can try to go back a do a quick fix.

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  4. Hi Jessica!!
    Since I can't see you in person anymore because of the coronavirus, at least I can communicate with you here. I love your introduction. At first, I was just so confused about what you are talking about. The more I read, the more I became interested. I don't know how other people would fare reading your introduction just because there's some words I didn't know or understand. I have learned about this whole karma thing before because I am Buddhist, so I have that background. Just a suggestion! Also, just now read the horse part of your story! I love it! I had no idea your inspiration was from King Yudhisthira's stories. Poor horsey. However, I love your articulation of the horse's thoughts. I thought they really aligned with what a horse would think! Perhaps some more spacing out of your paragraphs to make it easier to read?
    Can't to read more!!

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  5. Your website is very pretty. It also really easy to use. The layout is also very clean. The use of a button is brilliant!! Everyone likes to press buttons! It really kicks things off and gets us the readers ready to go on a journey! Also, I love your color scheme.
    I love how you wrote your intro! It is so freaking fun to read! It is so creative. Putting it in second person is so smart because it really captures the audience!! Great job!! I love that our memories weren’t modified and it is cool being stuck in the middle of the chaos! It feels similar to the show the good place. Have you seen that tv show? I also really appreciate your realistic dialogue. I have read other peoples’ stories and it is like they forget how people talk. I especially like the line “Oh well! That's not my job!”.
    The Horse story is so great! I love the birth. It makes you wonder what you were thinking then! I also love the horse learned from the little girl they admire. This is such a great idea! I look forward to reading more of your stories!!

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  6. Hi Jessica! The first thing that drew me into your project was your banner image! I think that's a great picture of animals to choose. Your introduction took a different turn than I expected. The image you picked was great though, I thought it was funny and fit perfectly for the story! It really is a great introduction though. It explains the process of reincarnation and what happens after we die and why karma is so important. At the end of the introduction, we start to see where animals are going to come into play. I like how you are completely thrown into being born into a baby horse to start your Horse story! I know I wouldn't know any better but it seemed so...realistic haha. Maybe you could add some interactions with other horses? I would be curious to see dialogue from members of a different species. I liked that we were able to see humans from a horse perspective though! I wonder where your reincarnation will go next?

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  7. Hi Jessica!
    Right away I loved your storybook with the introduction. “Reincarnation is a thing!” made me laugh so hard!!! Its funny, it grabbed my attention right away, and it’s an interesting idea. Your first story on the horse is great and I really liked the artistic license you took to get there; it was interesting to see the mashup of the stories to focus on the one character. I like that you are choosing to focus on animals (they are great after all) and this was an interesting story already. There are small things with the site like the interconnections but as you pointed out, you’re still working on everything. I think that is where most of us are in all of this, still sorting out where everything is going to go and how to set it up. I would suggest looking at the comment wall setup because when I clicked on it, it took me to your blog, not the comment wall. I appreciate you making notes though for what you know needs to be worked on and what to look at, so I didn’t get confused. - Jillienne

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